Heart stopping (literally)
A couple of years ago, I fainted in my kitchen. I had a glass in my hand that shattered as I landed on the tile floor. My husband came running, telling me not to move because I was surrounded by shards of glass. That morning was the beginning of months of fainting, testing, and wondering what the heck was going on. My primary care physician sent me to a cardiologist who ordered test after test: table tilt, stress test, electrocardiogram, echo cardiogram. I missed a lot of work, and still no answers. When I returned to the primary care office, I saw the Physician Assistant, who looked at all these tests and asked, "Did the cardiologist put you on a heart monitor?" Well, no. She ordered the heart monitor, in my case, a cardiac event recorder (see https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/arrhythmia/prevention--treatment-of-arrhythmia/cardiac-event-recorder). My life changed.
The very next day I got a call from the cardiologist, who invited me to get myself to his office NOW. He showed me the EKG from the event recorder. It revealed that my heart had stopped for more than 10 seconds. Seeing that flat line was quite the shocker; was I going to die, like, right now? I burst into tears, partly from fear, but also from gratitude that there was an answer.
Long story short, I have sick sinus syndrome (see https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/what-is-sick-sinus-syndrome). Fortunately, this can be addressed with a pacemaker implant. I realized how lucky I was that my heart didn't stop while I was driving; it stopped when I was in a place where I could plop myself down (the shower floor, the bed, the office).
It seems that I end many of my posts here with a note of gratitude. In this case, I am extremely grateful that my Physician's Assistant took the next step, that the cardiologist diagnosed and responded quickly, that we have the technology to keep my heat beating, and that I am still alive. Every single day is a gift; I try hard to remember that.
The very next day I got a call from the cardiologist, who invited me to get myself to his office NOW. He showed me the EKG from the event recorder. It revealed that my heart had stopped for more than 10 seconds. Seeing that flat line was quite the shocker; was I going to die, like, right now? I burst into tears, partly from fear, but also from gratitude that there was an answer.
Long story short, I have sick sinus syndrome (see https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/what-is-sick-sinus-syndrome). Fortunately, this can be addressed with a pacemaker implant. I realized how lucky I was that my heart didn't stop while I was driving; it stopped when I was in a place where I could plop myself down (the shower floor, the bed, the office).
It seems that I end many of my posts here with a note of gratitude. In this case, I am extremely grateful that my Physician's Assistant took the next step, that the cardiologist diagnosed and responded quickly, that we have the technology to keep my heat beating, and that I am still alive. Every single day is a gift; I try hard to remember that.
Quite a beautiful post! Gratitude, loving kindness are emphasized in some meditation. Take a look at Sharon Salzburg and the book by Profs. D. Goleman and R. Davidson called "Altered Traits". One writer said (if you don't have a heart monitor to help you have gratitude for being alive), consider all the events that didn't happen that might have easily kept you from meeting your partner. Or, take a look at The Tangled Wing and be grateful that an impossibility complex set of operations allowed you to be born from your mother. From conception to birth is impossible and yet you did it!
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