Fear of failure

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I had grand plans for my retirement.  I was going to jump into writing my book, exercise every day, create a magnificent stained glass project, become a great and courageous cook...none of that has happened yet (although, it's only been six weeks and if I was talking to a friend and not to myself, I'd cut my friend some slack!).  The excuse I used when I was working was lack of time.  Now I realize that time was never the problem; my fear of failing is the problem.  

 I'm afraid of spending all day cooking some marvelous recipe only to have it taste horrible.  What a waste!!!  I fear using my supply of beautiful stained glass to create something that is really just plain ugly.  I am afraid of getting into an exercise regimen and turning into an exercise addict; that may not seem like a failure, but it is when exercising becomes more important than time with family and friends.  Been there, done that, and although I looked fabulous (so I was told), I don't want to be that person again.  

 My family and friends would be surprised to know that I spend a lot of my life afraid.  After all, I jumped out of an airplane, I went parasailing, I tackled monster ziplines, I got my hair cut so short that it looked shaved, I have three tattoos in very visible places, I started my PhD studies at age 50, and on and on. 

 With the support of my friend and former professor Dr. Bill Kirby, I began this blog.  I am proud of it and I think it helps me overcome some of my fear.  Putting myself out there is a bit scary.  I've only told a few people about this blog; they are people I know I can trust.  I'm afraid of failing.  But, I'm proud of myself for continuing to try.  That in itself is a huge victory.  

 Tomorrow:  stained glass, just a little bit to get my confidence back.  I know I can do this; I just need to continue to work on overcoming my own worst enemy.  That would be me.

Comments

  1. BillJuly 23, 2019 at 7:48 AM

    You know my own blog is called FEAR, Fun and Filoz. I think that fear is the most common reaction, not just with humans but all living things. Fear saves their lives. A good friend of mine parodied a fearless caveman whose wife urged him to reconsider his plan to assault a dragon. She wanted him alive and well, not mangled and dead. Some people define bravery as proceeding while fearing. You are doing that.

    I want to tell you that I read some of your blog to my wife, who started her PhD when she was 49. It was this section:
    As I've mentioned in previous posts, I had grand plans for my retirement. I was going to jump into writing my book, exercise every day, create a magnificent stained glass project, become a great and courageous cook...none of that has happened yet (although, it's only been six weeks ...

    As a student teacher, I was not happy that I had been a student teacher for three weeks and had not set a world record for excellent teaching. I complained to several of my professors. All but one sympathized and mentioned alternatives to teaching that I could immediately switch to.The one who had a different view asked me how long I have been student teaching. "Three weeks?!! How long do you think I have been teaching?" She was a lively, elderly woman with a white bun of hair at the back of her white head. I hesitated, not wanting to be insulting. She ignored my hesitation and advised to get back to the classroom and give teaching at least two years. I did and it was good advice. Take it easy. It may be six years, not six months.

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