Please, for the love of God and all that is holy, STOP TALKING!

Apparently I have become a compulsive talker.  I say things that would be better left unsaid.  I feel compelled to fill the silence.  About a year ago I was serving on a hiring committee.  One of the candidates had just left the room after giving a not quite stellar interview.  Nobody spoke; I guess we were all trying to find a way to say nicely what we were thinking: this was a terrible interview.  One of committee members looked at me and said, "Well, Victoria?"  I know I'm not the smartest person in the room, but I may be the one most likely to say something, anything.  

 My colleagues honored me with a retirement celebration a few months ago.  One of the recurring themes was my "contributions" to meetings.  I miss talking with my colleagues.  I miss holding meetings and speaking at events.  

 It wasn't always this way.  I was painfully shy as a child.  After my freshman year in a large Catholic high school, I begged my parents to let me attend the private, all girls St. Mary of the Angels Academy.  Even there, I struggled.  In graduate school, I spent an entire semester losing sleep over the presentation we were required to give the last week of class.  I was paralyzed with fear, feeling nauseated and faint.  How did I become the endlessly blabbing idiot that I am today?  That's a rhetorical question.  I honestly don't know.

 I can tell you that my blithering has gotten worse since I retired.  Because I am alone now more than ever, I really let loose when I do get out.  I find myself telling total strangers things that they need not know.  I embarrass my husband and my children; it's a disease.  I'm investigating support groups, but I'm afraid that the meetings might go on forever with everyone vying for their time to be heard, and nobody hearing anyone but themselves.  

Comments

  1. BillSeptember 13, 2019 at 7:43 AM

    Maybe you need a YouTube channel of your own or your own podcast. Meanwhile, attend a Quaker meeting for worship. And mediatate.

    ReplyDelete

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