Half-naked in an Outhouse in the Snow in Fairbanks, Alaska

How did I get myself in that situation?  

It all began about ten years ago when my son decided to move to Fairbanks.  Of course we miss him so much, but he is happy there.  It's a very different lifestyle; people who live there take care of each other.  My husband and I have visited a couple of times.  The first time was during the summer a few years ago.  It was beautiful!  The place and the people could not have been more welcoming. One of our son's friends had a barbeque in our honor just so we could meet some folks.  His friends immediately became our friends; we worried less about him knowing that he was surrounded by good people.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I visited Alaska in the winter.  Our primary goal was to spend time with our son, but we hoped to see the Aurora Borealis (also known as the Northern Lights).  March is peak season for this sighting, so we had high hopes.  Also, we planned to visit Chena Hot Springs.  We never did see the Aurora Borealis; the weather was too cloudy.  We did spend two nights at the Chena Hot Springs Resort.  The hot springs were amazing, truly therapeutic and almost a spiritual experience.  Being in the hot springs was like nothing else.  The resort was...let's say, rustic.  We didn't know going in that there was no cell phone service, no phones in the room, two electric outlets, and no television (GASP!!!).  No constant news?  No texts, no calls? The world could have ended and we wouldn't have known  Somehow, we survived all of that, partly because the Ice Museum, the Activities Center, and the bar/restaurant were all quite nice.  The gin martini was nearly perfect, and I am very particular about my martinis.  

So, how did I end up in that outhouse in the snow half-naked?  Well, my son lives in a dry cabin, meaning there is no running water.  Yep, no running water; no showers, no doing dishes without fetching a massive jug of water, and no toilet.  I guess it's doable, but it wouldn't be my first choice.  

My husband, son, and I went out for brunch to a place in downtown Fairbanks.  I had a salad and not one but two Bloody Marys.  Yeah, I know, bad decision.  They weren't even Spicy Bloody Marys!!!  Before we left the restaurant, my stomach was already angry.  As we were pulling into my son's long, winding, snowy driveway, I yelled, "STOP!!! EMERGENCY!!!  EMERGENCY!!!  Let me out NOW!!!"  Yep, it was a deadly case of "the runs" (read: diarrhea).  

Remember, we were in Alaska in the winter.  I was wearing a sweater, hat, winter jacket, jeans, socks, lace-up boots, and, of course, underwear.  It was cold outside, but it seemed even colder sitting on the Styrofoam throne of the wooden outhouse that, by the way, had NO DOOR!!!  There were moose in the area, too.  How much worse could it get?  A lot worse.  I knew I had to change my, let's say, "lower half."  Sitting there, praying that the moose would stay away, I unlaced my boots, took off my socks, my jeans, and, finally, my underwear (I just threw that in the  outhouse hole with the rest of the...stuff).  I yelled to my husband, "I need underwear!!!  UNDERWEAR!!!!"  He brought that and some sweatpants that my son's girlfriend donated to the cause. (I did return them, but she probably trashed them.  I get it.) This whole episode was nothing short of horrifying, and eventually, really hilarious.  Thank God for a sense of humor.